A few weeks ago I came across a segment on Nightline focusing on single black women (SBW). I was shocked and appalled at the stats they were throwing out about the % of Black women who are single (not married). I started to freak out @ first... trying to devise a plan to find beau fast! (I mean I live on the enchanted island so there are plenty of gorgeous men). Then that still soft voice on the inside of me reminded me... calm down girl. You don't have to be a statistic. The bible says that God will give you the desires of your heart. One of my desires is to be married. I am believing in God for ALL things, so even though the world says 46% of Black women end up single... I say... I choose not to participate in that stat.
I ran into this article by essence.com while browsing online & wanted to share.
While playing a game of Q & A with a friend I was asked : How can you just not have sex? I took the time to really process this question. I wanted to provide an answer without coming off as this super Holy Saint. (Because a lot of time people think that if you profess to be a Christian you are super Holy and are never tempted sexually). It's not like I woke up one day and I just was never physically attracted to men anymore. I'm still very much attracted to men (love me some dark chocolate).
1. I believe it was a combination of self-awareness gained through my time in 1:1 Counseling ( I am an advocate for individual psychotherapy), seeking counsel from women of God, and personal revelation through my relationship with Christ. I finally understood what sex was and what it wasn't. I gained an understanding of God's intention for sex.
2. Though not a virgin I truly believe 2 Corinthians 5:17 is clear, “If any man be in Christ, He is new creature, all old things have passed away, behold all things have become new. So after believing that God intended for sex to be done only in the institution of marriage...I chose to pursue sexual purity. Which translates into no sex (any form) until marriage.
3. I have also chosen to guard myself from other temptations that can lead to sex: refraining from listening to certain types of R&B, being mindful of the things that I watch, and even being intentional with the people that I hang around with on a regular basis.
4. I'm human. Sex still crosses my mind... mostly in dreams (my subconscious still works). I'm still attracted to men. I still live on earth so I am exposed to the media. I also live on an island where people walk around scantly dressed all the time. It is difficult to process at times and is not always easy to just block out. However, I have learned that prayer really works in this situation. I am also very fortunate to have a group of friends and mentors who are supportive and give me great advice. Talking to them and to God really helps me to get through the tough patches.
Again this is my own personal conviction. I believe sex is a good thing. I believe God created sex to be performed between husband and wife. The personal ministry of Dr. Lindsay Marsh Warren and all of the amazing people who serve under this ministry continue to encourage and inspire me to pursue sexual purity.
The Holiday Season is absolutely my favorite time of year. I love all of the quirky things about the holidays: Christmas music (Donny Hathaway this Christmas is my fav), the color red, wreaths, Christmas lights, decorating the Christmas tree, baking, spending hours in the kitchen cooking & in 15 minutes eating everything that was cooked, receiving my God-daughters 5 page long Christmas wish-list via email, beautiful cards, the smell of cinnamon, candy canes, hot chocolate, and of course my family traditions. It’s the only time throughout the entire year that I get to spend more than a weekend with my parents, brother, and dogs. This year we decided to not give gifts (which my brother is still confused about), but to celebrate giving 3 of my cousins the gift of spending the Holidays with us by bringing them to our home. It was a hard decision to make, because one side of me is like…I totally want an I-phone 4, clothes and other goodies from my dear padres. However, I felt the need to follow the quiet voice inside of me guiding me to bless someone else for Christmas. So we did exactly that…3 cousins, 1 brother, 2 dogs, mom & I had an AMAZING weekend! Thank you Lord for another lesson on learning to put others before myself. Learning that you came to serve, not to be served.
My Dad (whom we miss dearly) is currently deployed...serving our country. We Love you papi & can't wait until you come home!!
This girl can sing!! One of my favorite things to do is to listen to good music and hang out with people I love. While having some good ole girl time with some of my favorite people we came across this song. It reminded me of recent conversations that I have been having with my close girl friends. Conversations about :communication , love, relationships, friendships, dating..and our future. I started to reflect on my own personal struggles as a woman, a friend, a daughter, and a sister... and my hearts desires for the future. (I'm always thinking). The thoughts that stuck out the most were on two friendships that I've had. Two people that I loved so much but our relationships had become unhealthy. At the beginning of this year I began the process of letting go of two relationships/friendships. It has been a long process. I expereinced anger, denial, and guilt... now I've worked throught those emotions and have finally begin to accept the end of the friendships. I understanding letting that letting go didn't mean that I wasn't walking in love or that I no longer love the people. Letting go has given me a new beginning. New Freedom.
Six months ago I moved to Puerto Rico to learn español! The transition to PR has been tough because I was leaving the thing that I loved the most...my community. My community at home consisted of my 2 mentors and their families, my best friends, my cohort members from grad school, my colleagues from work, and my church family. My time in PR has been a serious struggle...emotionally. The most amazing thing that I have learned from this journey is how to draw closer to God. I had no friends, no car, little money, no cable, and a pretty bad cell phone signal. To add on to those small things...most of the time I'm lost in translation. So any time that my love tank was empty, I was exhausted, confused, frustrated, angry, or just home sick... I learned to pray. Before I moved here I prayed for a new community in PR. I prayed for women who would have my best interest at heart. Women who loved the Lord. Women who would build me up. Women who were strong. Women who had weakness. Women who would encourage. Women who could receive love. Women who were compassionate. Women who were uniquely themselves. Two weeks before I came home for Holiday this picture was taken. I realized...God answered my prayer.
To understand that you love me is a complex infatuation and betrayal to my heart . So I cry. Tears are apart of me, they start deep down in my soul and once released it’s a breath of ecstasy. But still I desire to feel your breath connected with mine. I long to have your arms grab me… and feel your hand sweep across my face and gently wipe the tears away.
I’m always thinking. My mind races. My thoughts are clear in my mind, but difficult when they are released into the world. Thoughts of love. Thoughts of fear. Thoughts of confusion. Thoughts of joy. Thoughts of life. My desire to love. Gods grace. Sometimes I hide in my thoughts, its peaceful in there. I’m always dreaming...
